Lesson 1: Letting Teenage boys buy Vault Cola and consume at their leisure is NOT a good idea while traveling the first leg of 750 miles where most of the travel occurs at night.

Lesson 2: Pulling over at a rest stop at 2am, opening the windows to let in a little cool air, probably isn't a good idea, especially while parked under a street lamp with 2 million mosquitoes flying around it.

Sub-Lesson 2: Teenage girls seems to make a very desirable meal for Mosquitoes.

Lesson 3: Do not attempt to drive for 12 hours after you've already been up for 12+, especially at my age. All the energy drinks in the world won't keep you going. On the plus side, you get to test your reaction time after the van drifts off the road. The kids screaming in the back sounds remarkably like an alarm clock.

Lesson 4: Disneyland and California Adventure require only 1.5 days, not 3. Seriously, if you value your ability to walk and stand, 3 days is waaaaaaay too much.

Lesson 5: Teenagers will always find something to bitch about, regardless of how much money or energy you put into their entertainment.

Solution: Leave kids at rest stop.

Lesson 6: Odds are, after a drought and a bunch of fires, California will be mostly covered in smoke during the Summer. Not necessarily the best time for a scenic road trip.

Lesson 7: Next time, buy the kids a Wii and take the money you would have spent on them and buy a vacation home, never tell them where it is.

Lesson 8: Install ejection seats in the back of the van...creating an opening in the top of the van optional.

Lesson 9: Burger King has to be some of the nastiest crap on the face of the planet.

Lesson 10: There is never a 'good time of day' to drive through LA traffic.

Out of sheer boredom on this beautiful Friday, stuck in an office for a few more hours I put together a quick planet template resource. It's a downloadable PSD that will hopefully be of use to some new artist.

Eight more days and then it's a 36 hour road trip to Monterey, Disneyland and San Diego. Me, in a van, with 3 teenagers, one 11 year old and my wife, for 36 hours. THIS is why we have invented IPods But alas, the kids are getting up there in age and everyone should try to get to Disneyland/Disneyworld at least once when they're a kid, if for nothing else but for the memories.

So, rental van, tons of snacks, tons of luggage, $525+ in gas and away we go! help me.

One of these days people will learn to drive their damn cars.

Of course, it'll be after I'm long gone and the cars are driving themselves. Until then we have to suffer through some of the most idiotic decision-making dill-weeds that have ever graced the face of the planet. Let's go over a little guide for these people:

Fifty cars lined up behind you while you're going 10 MPH under the speed limit? Noooooo problem, keep on cruising along, after all, it's your destiny to slow down the hectic lives of everyone else, that's why you were born and you do your job with pride. After all, you're important.

In ability to chose a lane as you come up to fork in the road? No problem, just straddle both lanes, weaving side to side so no one knows what the hell you are doing. It's okay, we understand, it's hard to preplan your trip, take your time and cause a few accidents in the traffic build up behind you. After all, the world does revolve around you.

Hey, it's Friday! How about you leave work early, dive in your typical moronic form and screw up traffic for everyone else!? Sounds like a plan. After all, it seems everyone else apparently works approximately 200x faster on Fridays because, somehow, someway they always seem done early and on the road just in time to screw everything up for the rest of us that get of at a normal time. Every. Friday. Without. Fail. After all, you're important.

What the heck is a turn signal you ask? It's used to signal that you are turning the opposite direction you indicate, or to simply drive down the road for 30 miles with it on aimlessly.. that is until somebody gets frustrated and decides to pass you on that side - THEN, that's when you need to get over. Got it, good plan. After all, you're important.

Speeding up to merge with highway traffic at traffic speed is for the birds. Make everyone on the highway slam on their brakes to let you in, after all, you're important.

Cell phone? Heck yeah, start texting and chatting away. Pay no attention to the road or traffic. Everything will be a'okay. After all, you're important.

Is that a missile you see in your rearview mirror??? Yes it is. My gift to you. Enjoy.